Head Case
by Lornfaer
Summary: Maverick considers his Iceman-fixation and is interrupted...by himself? Twoshot, most likely, though I may add more if the fancy strikes.
1. Chapter 1

**Hullo! So, this is basically something random that popped into my head one day. I was watching Top Gun, my computer was on...and as a result, I have this odd piece of writing.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Top Gun, Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer (sadly...well, not so much now, but twenty years ago!), or the characters they play. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.**

**Maverick is considering his Iceman-fixation when he is interrupted...by himself?**

**(Oh, just to give a heads up: **regular type is Maverick, _italics is his brain**).**_

**_And now for something completely...the same!_**

* * *

This is bad. An obsession like this cannot be healthy.

_Oh, don't worry, you're not obsessed._

What the hell?

_Hello there._

Um. I have a voice in my head…Does that mean I'm crazy?

_Nope._

Would you tell me if I was?

…_Nope._

Didn't think so. I think maybe I should see a shrink or something…

_Never mind that. As long as you've got a voice in your head, might as well put it to use, right?_

…

_Of course you should!_

Will you be going away anytime soon?

_Nope!_

(huff) Fine, I'll call a psychiatrist tomorrow.

_Now, now._

So, if I'm not obsessed, then what am I?

_For being such an arrogant man, one would assume you were more intelligent than this._

Hey!

_Okay, okay. Let's think about this logically, shall we?_

I'm talking to a voice in my head; I hardly think logic is a factor here.

_Shut up. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted: You constantly think of this man, yes?_

…(mumbles) yeah.

_Mmhmm. In a less than professional manner?_

…

_(nods sagely)_

How can you nod if you're a voice?

_Buddy, it's your imagination, I'm just the vehicle for rational thought. And you are trying to avoid the conversation._

Am not.

_Are too._

Am not.

_Are too, you obnoxious, petulant child._

…

…

That was harsh.

_Harsh, but true. Now, do you or do you not think about this man in extremely inappropriate situations?_

I dunno if I'd call them "extremely inappr--"

_Is he naked?_

…yes.

_Then, they're extremely inappropriate. Answer the question, if you please._

…yes, I do.

_You do what?_

You're kidding, right?

_I think you and I both know I'm not._

I'm really beginning to hate you.

_Thrilled to hear it. Now, what do you do?_

IthinkaboutIceininappropriatesituations.

_See? That wasn't so hard, was it?_

Shuddup.

_Oh, that's mature. _

(glare)

_Okay, okay. When you think about Mr. Kazansky--_

"Mr. Kazansky?" (snort)

_May I continue, please?_

Sorry.

_No, you aren't. Ah well, Rome wasn't built in a day._

Just go on.

_When you think about him like that, do you only feel…how should I put this?_

Horny?

_Not exactly the word I would have used, but yes._

What do you mean "only feel?"

_I mean, do you sometimes get emotional, or think about him in a non-sexual way?_

Emotional? (snort) No…but I guess I have thought about stuff other than sex.

_Such as?_

Sometimes I just picture his face in my head, or his smile.

_That's nice. (smile)_

…

_Oh, right, sorry. Am I mistaken, or do you also picture things like him running a thumb over your bottom lip?_

HEY! ARE YOU PEEPING INTO MY THOUGHTS!?

…_Of course not._

YOU ARE! YOU PERV!

_Calm down, Peter, you're overreacting. _

…(seethes)

_Can you really not add all this up and come to a conclusion?_

Uh….

_You love him._

(blink) Nuh-uh.

…_Did you really just say that?_

Fine then. No, I don't love Ice.

_Yes, you do._

No…I can't. I mean, I can't stand him.

_That's often the case between lovers._

We're not "lovers."

_That's true. You only wish you were._

No I do--Okay, maybe I do. But I don't love him.

_You don't have to listen to me now, but you'll realize it soon enough, Peter._

Why do you call me Peter?

_That's your name, is it not?_

Maverick. That's what everyone calls me. Hell, I introduce myself as Maverick. And you called Ice "Mr. Kazansky."

_So?_

So, why do you do that?

_Well, it's rather like a method of distance._

What?

_Since I have seen, in your mind, of course, you and Mr. Kazansky…in --_

"Extremely inappropriate situations?"

_Exactly. I feel it's best to distance myself._

You're a voice. In my head. How could you--

_I'm tired. I think I'll have a nap now._

Hey, wait!

…_zzzzzzzz…_

Fine, thought-peeper. But I don't love…at least, I don't think I do. It might…make sense…wait, no!

* * *

**This is complete randomness and I may or may not continue it, depends on whether or not my brain spits out anymore craziness for Mav.**

**Hope it gave someone a good laugh, at least.**

**Review if you'd like. I always appreciate them, but I won't beg!**

**(Much.)**

**Lornfaer**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi people. Just dropping in to say that I'm still alive. I'm currently buried in work and a serious lack of ideas, but it'll get better eventually. **

**Key:**

_Mav's voice-in-the-head_

Mav's thoughts OR Narration

"Dialogue"

**Hope you like it.**

* * *

Class had just dismissed and Maverick was headed for the parking lot when Ice stopped him.

"Hey, that was a good call. The move was a little aggressive, but when you're in a dogfight, the niceties kinda go out the window, don't they?" Ice grinned and cocked his head to the side as if asking for affirmation.

"Yeah. I mean, I know Charlie's certified and everything, but you can't know unless you've been there." Maverick matched Ice's smile with one of his own, hoping that Ice hadn't noticed him sneaking a peek at him in locker room.

"Exactly. Hey, I was wondering if…." Ice's next words were drowned out by another voice Maverick's head.

_Well, he certainly looks better in person than in your imagination. Less glowy, of course._

Oh dear God, not now.

_Why don't you just tell him how you feel?_

Can we please do this later?

…_.nope. Though I do note you've grown more polite since our last talk._

Shut up.

_It seems I've spoken too soon. So, have you admitted that you love Mr. Kazansky yet?_

One, bite me. Two, I do not love him. Three, STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM MR. KAZANSKY!

_So touchy. It's because you love him, you know. _

Go die.

_That's entirely uncalled for, I'm only trying to help. Besides, I can't die, I'm a voice in your head._

…

_Would "Thomas" suffice?_

…What?

_You told me, rather rudely, to stop calling him "Mr. Kazansky." Will my calling him Thomas keep you from screeching?_

Damn it. He looks like he just asked me something. What did he say?

_I'm not sure. I was listening to you blather on._

ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?

_No need to shout, Peter._

I hate you, you know that?

_Don't take your frustration out on me, Mr. "I'm in love with my fellow pilot but refuse to admit it."_

I swear, one of these days--

"…Maverick?"

"Oh, sorry. I spaced out a for a minute. Could you say that again?"

"No problem. I've had those days. I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink or something?"

_I told you he was interested._

When did you say that? Ever?

…_I implied it._

You did not "imply" it.

_I think Thomas is expecting an answer, Peter._

We never agreed on--oh crap.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Ice. Yeah, yeah, I could definitely use a drink."

"Great. See you at the bar in twenty?"

"Sure."

Oh God. Did you see his smile?

_It's very nice._

Nice? I don't think I'll ever have an innocent night's sleep again. My sheets will never recover.

_Must you be so vulgar?_

That was hardly vulgar. Now, if I'd said--

_Oh, look, he's turning. You have an unobstructed view of his posterior._

…I take it back. I can't hate anyone who points out such prime merchandise, even if you were just trying to distract me.

_You talk about him like he's a commodity._

He is. One with an extremely limited clientele. Me.

_You think Thomas has never been with anyone else?_

Of course he has. That doesn't mean he has to be with anyone else from now on.

…_That sort of possessiveness indicates something, don't you think?_

What do you want me to do about it?

_What do you want to do about it?_

What do you want me to do about it?

_Don't start that again. You love him._

No, don't YOU start THAT again. I do not.

_Have we not been through this? _

I take back taking it back.

_Now, Peter--_

Is "Maverick" so hard to say?

_Is "I love you" so hard to say?_

…Touché, voice, touché.

_Since I'm not planning on leaving you alone anytime soon, you ought to find something better to call me._

How 'bout "Pain In My Ass?"

_I walked into that one, didn't I?_

Yeah, you did. As much as you can walk into things, anyway.

_Must you be so literal?_

Must you be so annoying?

_Yes, actually, I must. You see, you need to admit--car._

Car? I need to admit ca--WHOA!

_I tried to warn you._

I almost got killed!

_It's not my fault you're not paying attention. You are driving this death machine, after all._

For the last time, I do not love Ice. Now shut up so I can get myself to the bar alive.

_All right, I'll leave you alone for the moment, but the time will come when--_

SHUT IT!

_(huff)_

_---------_

"_Iceman, I love you." I'm telling you, it's not that hard._

Will you EVER shut the fuck up?

_Why do you say it like that?_

What do you mean?

_One word: "shutthefuckup." That's how you say it._

I do not. Now, shutthefuckup. He's right there.

_Yes, Peter, your eyes are my eyes, so I see him quite clearly. Blonde hair, white teeth, leaning on the bar, smiling at you._

He is smiling at me, isn't he?

_Oh dear Lord, now you're swooning over him. _

I AM NOT SWOONING!

_You had "he's so dreamy" voice going on._

Hey, you know what?

…_I know I'll regret this. What?_

Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

_Oh, that was original._

I'm ignoring you now.

_You can't ignore me. I'm in your head._

"What're you drinking?"

_You love him, you love him, you love him, you love him._

"Water, at the moment. I think I'll have a 7 and 7. You?"

_You love him. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peeeeeeeteeeeeer._

"A rum and coke, thanks. And by the way, thank you for _that _image. I'm picturing you dancing to disco now."

God, his laugh is incredible.

_I thought you were ignoring me._

I am. It's not my fault you invade my every thought.

"_Invade" is such a negative word, Peter. I prefer…_

What?

_If I am not mistaken, Thomas is staring quite openly at you._

Crap. Did he ask me something?

_No, you were waiting for your drinks and you both lapsed into silence. And now he's…studying you. Intently._

What do I do? Don't answer that. I'm pretty sure I know what you'll say.

_Smart move. Though I'll tell you again anyway. Tell him--_

I love him, yes, yes, I know, thank you.

_You are most welcome. And see? You DO love him._

That's not what I meant and you know it, you pest.

_Aw, you've devolved to "pest." It's so much nicer than your other names for me._

I don't care that you are inanimate. I **will **find a way to kill you.

_Nice feeling's gone. Are you happy now?_

NO! I still have no idea what to do about Ice. He's just looking at me.

_He's probably thinking much the same thing, Peter._

Shit! I am staring at him. Well, I can't look away now. If you could give some real advice, it'd be fantastic right now.

_Say something, you dolt._

"How 'bout them Yankees?"

_Okay, not what I had in mind, but okay._

"What?" Ice chuckled and it sent a shiver down Maverick's spine. "Mav, we live in California. And I wasn't aware you were into baseball." Ice's face betrayed his considerable amusement at Maverick's flustered countenance.

"It's the first thing that popped in my head."

_Was not. "Let's have sex!" was the first thing that--_

SHUT UP!

The bartender showed up with their drinks and Maverick would have kissed him for his excellent timing.

"Oh, thank God, alcohol." Maverick reached for his drink desperately and Ice laughed that wonderful laugh.

"I see, you need alcohol to be comfortable near me?"

"No, I need loose pants to be comfortable near you." Maverick responded automatically, and his hand paused halfway to his mouth.

Did I just say that out loud?

_*lips pressed tightly together in an attempt not to laugh*_

Oh God.

Ice's mouth twitched, definitely amused. His eyes flashed at Maverick and his voice was a little lower when he asked, "Is that so?" Maverick nearly jumped out of his skin when Ice's leg rubbed against his. "Because I think it'd be easier if you were wearing nothing at all."

Maverick met Ice's eyes and both refused to look away.

Holy shit. He's dead serious.

_Well, yes, Peter, he is. As were you, I believe._

Right. Here goes.

_Here goes what__, Peter? Peter? PETER?!_

Maverick's arm shot forward and he fisted Ice's uniform, pulling him into a bruising kiss. Ice returned it with equal fervor and before too long, they were in Ice's car, headed for Ice's place as fast as Ice could coax the car to go.

* * *

**Reviews are ALWAYS appreciated. **


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